“She/her/hers”… thanks for sharing?

23 Oct

When I added my pronouns to the signature line of my work emails, a couple of colleagues and friends asked: what’s up with that?

While I was certainly not the first to do, I was, for some of my contacts, the first they had noticed. And I want to say how grateful I am that they asked. We live in a time when there’s a lot of felt pressure to “get it right,” to “be woke,” and to already know what is socially correct to others.

Good luck with that.

All we can do is accept that we live in a world of people who aren’t us, notice whatever we think is normal (and how much it may mean to us), decide whether we care about connecting with others, and if we do, then get curious and learn.

So a sincere thanks to those who asked, who cared enough to take a minute to get curious and have a conversation. I ended up writing a couple of emails about how the English language ends up assigning gender through 3rd person pronouns (“Alison founded Blink Consulting. She has been a consultant for almost 15 years…”), and that I work with a lot of people–some of whom I haven’t met yet, and many of whom have never asked and I’ve never told which pronouns to use when referring to me. And since we use pronouns like names for people, doesn’t it make sense to let others know which ones we respond to? I don’t get emails addressed to “Alex” or “Buttons,” probably because people have taken the time to find out to whom they should address their correspondence. And if they care enough to know my name, it makes sense that they would want to know my pronouns, so they can refer clearly to me, not Buttons.

This brings me to today, when I noticed another colleague’s signature line. After her pronouns, she’s inserted: (What’s this?)

That link takes you to a blog post: “Why sharing gender pronouns at work matters” on Culture Amp by Alexis Croswell. It’s a useful read, that addresses the practice and  underlying beliefs about pronoun sharing, including this framing for those of us who are wondering what’s the big deal:

If a person has never had to worry about which pronoun others use for them, gender pronouns might not seem important. [Culture Amp’s Insights Strategist Steven] Huang says, “For most, their singular and visible gender identity is a privilege. Not everybody has this privilege; those that are referred to with the wrong pronoun can feel disrespected, invalidated, and alienated.” You can’t always tell what someone’s gender pronouns are by looking at them. Knowing and using someone’s gender pronouns is a positive way to support the people you work with.

The article is now hyperlinked in my signature as well. And I’m happy to continue having the conversation.

*Thanks to my colleague SL for the resource.

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